Later my ma said to me that it would’ve been a hell of a lot simpler to take off the aforementioned pair of jeans and rub them against a coarse stone. If only my nickname ‘ass scraper’ wore out as speedily as my jeans did Then something revolutionary occurred in the mid nineties ( that saved my ass, you might say ). Imagine the satisfaction for the captive, understanding that some good came out of their existence? So long as they served their full sentence, naturally ( jeans just did not achieve a perfect level of worn in-ness if captives got out early on parole ). So my pre-worn Levis alla ‘break and enterer’ became the ‘hottest’ thing in my wardrobe ( just teasing, I paid for them ).

Truly, how could I’ve been so narrow minded as to think crime failed to pay? Moving into the new millennium, jean manufactures all of a sudden realized it was not right to permit such a glaring exploitation of America’s captives. Particularly when the Chinese could do it for a lot less, and faster too! Devised denim was born. Like anything in its youth, there’s always something NQR ( Not Actually Right ) about it.

Much to the rile of everybody around me, I just could not help the comment “Aw that appears so fake!” each time a dinosaur ripped apart an individual or when a ship collided with an iceberg in the middle of the Antarctic. It was simply a natural reaction to something that looked absolutely perverted when making an attempt to appear natural ( also my natural reaction when I see someone with hair plugs, or a girl with a bad boob job. But that is another blog entry all together ). Today nevertheless while we are eventually perfecting pocket grinding, crotch hair marks, and thigh and ass sand blasting, isn’t this all just an improvement on the fake worn-in look? I mean, I have got a pair of jeans that I purchased just about 4 years back in dark indigo denim with only a basic enzyme wash. It’s engaging and it’s improving. And while the ‘new pseudo old’ look has become my daily bread, the ‘engineered’ price ticket that comes with the jeans is sickening.

‘Authentic’ looking old jeans will set you back around $350 ( AUD ) nowadays. Common! For me to even wish to pay that sort of cash, I am hoping some Chinese employee is scraping their ass up and back down the factory room floor for me.